DIE ANOTHER DAY

The oddity of being consumed by beliefs and non-beliefs tend to knock you down at times. To make plans is a genuine flaw when life takes over, I have come to realise that. I LIVE TO DIE ANOTHER DAY-I live to truly die another day. Sometimes the universe needs to break us down a couple of times to remind us who we truly are; our power and our faith. I am not trying to box what is sacred into good or bad but rather explain to myself what seems to not make sense in my context. When we tend to analyze what is beyond our control we tend to end up tangled in difficulties created by the power of our thoughts and experiences. When sense does not make sense I now know to LET IT GO.  Perhaps throwing it right back into its creativity might seem cowardly but the character of braveness is personified by admittance of not knowing. In the biggest ruts is where we find growth and in the biggest of potholes is where serenity may reside.  In my recent crash of emotional sanity I can testify that life means that journeys begin to the roads of unexpected unknowns and that self acceptance and self reception is protocol for divinity of self awareness. Through Prayer and Peace is where we are reminded of God and the Godly who inhabit our lives and ALL that lives and ALL that is no longer living. In awe of all that I have ESCAPED I still breathe in the winds of wisdom and I quench all withered life from the Almighty’s words. Having FLEED from all that could hold me back I still ignite the fires within me and I build on the earthly foundations of teachings written for me. I have reached a place where I need to be in agreement with self that I live to die another day and till that day comes I need to be the GREATNESS I am DESTINED to be. I marvel at the partnership of the betterment of many which is great enrichment and fertility of the mind. I now recognise my blessings and I hold testimony to even my weakest and gentle parts being blessed and righteous.  I have found spaces within where the blurry are made clear and with time they shall become clearer; in heartfelt lows where my heart nearly gave up and caved in. When we turn to words translated to prayer and still we do not know but in those very words we learn there is life. The world unimagined and imaginable where faith defines, where comfort soothes, where the mind excels, where the living do not know and where life exists HERE and THERE......

In my recent crash of emotional sanity I can testify that life means that journeys begin to the roads of unexpected unknowns and that self acceptance and self reception is protocol for divinity of self awareness. Through Prayer and Peace is where we are reminded of God and the Godly who inhabit our lives and ALL that lives and ALL that is no longer living.

I LIVE TO DIE ANOTHER DAY

THE SULLNESS OF RESENTFUL BITTER WARMTH

This love never needed convincing or courtship let alone years of friendship or loyalties it simply just suited the times perhaps placed by fate and destiny. She was my soul and I was her mate; a beauty well written which was never seen nor felt – THE SULLNESS OF RESENTFUL BITTER WARMTH. A relationship created by virtual portals that deceived longings that were unreachable and unreal. We felt “things” in a time never lived nor held. I fell in love with a being I never knew which was the reality of interactions that evoked emotions I myself never knew I could feel. I fell in love with a being that died before meetings were met or words were spoken. This love was not a love that was tainted by infections of romance and sheeted intimacies. It was pure relations for betterment of self and spirit. We laughed about things we thought we knew and awarded ourselves the appreciations of how the sun rose on either half of our worlds. We philosophised the dysfunctional functionalities of primary principals and at the same time taught each other bad habits of swearing, of loving and of self affirmation.

In simple terms I had found the greatest and healthiest relationships and that has baffled me for years because it existed yet it did not. I had the best friend God could have ever blessed me with and I NEVER had the opportunity to meet her. We lived in a virtual world where we shared and bared ourselves to each other yet in the flesh we did not even know what or who we were. I have decided to label it an insane myth of my lifetime.

She died before possibilities were real!

Happy 30^th Chikita!

I AM A POET

There is a Sotho “idiom” that says  “Lefu ke ngwetsi  ya malapa ohle” which means that death is the bride of every home (I stand to be corrected).  When I first heard this I realised that my loss was not one that I alone had encountered nor would it be my last. These words blessed me as much as they crippled me. For many months I had lost a sense to write, to recite and to realise the words that resided within me. Silence was the devourer of creative truths and pain was the friend that kept me company for many days. I had lost the most important man in my life; my mentor and my best friend – MY FATHER.

Through his wisdom and his many teachings I have found strength again.  Through his living soul I have learnt that many times we are dead even though we are living. I have learnt that we confine our potential by fears that cloud our abilities to be anything and everything we possibly can THINK and DREAM to be.  

I know my potential and I believe in it. I have awoken from a deep horrible slumber where truths have come through dreams and walking angels. The words that exist within me are ALIVE again. I come as a woman driven by the love of poetry.

For the love of the Spoken Word.

Ke Mofokeng wa Mahoana

Maotwana Finyela-Kgaitsedi tsa bo tlalana

Ba ja mmutla ole motala

Ba ka ka Dinaledi

Ba jele mmutla

Ke bo Mahoana

                               Ke Phoka!

QUARTER LIFE CRISIS

This thing called AGE drags like sagging breasts of an 80 year old
AGING is painful like a love that catches you off guard
Like a song you play over and over till you can’t stand to hear it no more
Its deafening sound fades with echoes of hallow depth
AGE is a reasoned reasonable basis
It makes you think of supposed importance
Like procreation, elevation, and presentation
Of self awareness things like introspection
When you realise that you’ve reached the AGE where
Independence and Power matter no more
Where profession is no longer relevance
But in essence a home with babies, puppies and lilies
Really mean dreams that matter no matter
The divinity of our destinies when they choke you
Recognizing the apprehension of AGE
That makes you stay in unhappy relations
Trying to outrun loneliness, trying to beat
The progressing nature of AGE waits for no one
Like opportunities that happen once in a lifetime
Like the day you are born and the day you die
AGING in search of mending broken hearts
Longing to rectify pain inflicted by egotistical AGE
Knowing that at 27 I will be 30 in less than 3 years
AGE is a thing that scares you when you are alone
Silence entertains the loudness of authenticity
When meaningless bliss becomes the enemy
The sullenness of resentful bitter warmth
Where love matters more than anything in the world
My lover who is like well written dimensions
Like sense for common sense
AGE is the stability of mentality and spirituality
It is maturity and surety of self indulge and pleasantries
Of knowing the known knowledge of knowing you knew nothing at all
AGE is humility and unity of self love and lover’s love
Accepting weakness to learn strength
This thing called AGE is like dimpled thighs at 45
Like a grey hair at 25
Like a defining moment at 35
Time evolving into significant significance
AGE is developed growth

I WANTED HER DEAD

Never mind the highs and lows I shared with her

I refused to remember her love

Her love like a blessing was warm, unseen, felt and sure

Her insanity made me forget her

I now took her love for granted like the summer breeze

Mother that touch grew infuriating, restless being very uneasy

Joy

Tears

Bliss

Calamity

The magic called you remained

The memory of you remained-flowing over calm waters

Your love still remains so true

Still I wanted you dead!

It pained me the disorientation

My greatest love

Lost like the many planets

Motherly tender has faded

Raw and honest your love

Your mind stole it and you chose to forget me

But here in my heart you remain

In the arms that are home your insanity snatched me

Mother please remember me

You hummed me to sleep on your back

You took fists and words whilst you played with me in disarray

Against the world you and I

Fighting against the strong wind yet still pushing forward

I wanted you dead to show you I loved you

To end pain, misery to end THE PAIN and MISERY

Out of love, my dear mother, I wanted you dead!

DREADLOCKED WOMAN

I wanted to write lovable words in golden ink BUT

Nauseating lies of a dreadlocked woman pilfer time

They swathe themselves around your guiltless knowing

They Seduce, They Woo, They Entice, They Spellbind

Sometimes women try to be deep and get muddled in meaningless depth

Like learned women who yearn for eternal devotion

Capture their smiles in black and white and bottle their scent

Tell them that is Fidelity; Give it to them in a written volume

Revelations of a single heart fallen for the hope of dreams

She died before possibilities were real

A world many have become accustomed to

She calls it “a comfort zone” where nothing was comfortable for SH!T

I wanted to sip wine at the edge of a hill

Charming the pants off the wind listening to its whining song

Searching for her in drunken bliss

Like the words of men when they try to get into your “purse”

On a table alone you are mine

Dippin’ in another woman’s “salad” is a terrible sin

 But on a table alone you are mine

Women are baffled by nonsensical labels

Manly, Femme, in betweens

Butt naked in the arms of truth I tend to wonder, what tag do you place on breasts?

In frameless fortifications she mounted frames

In strength she was weak, LOUD WOMEN

In committed matrimony some of us fail

I would’ve ridden a bicycle in a vineyard

Carried a basket to pick strawberries

Hours become excruciating, wasting life in 8hour prisons

I would’ve married and kissed the sun for a new day BUT

Nauseating lies of a dreadlocked woman pilfer time

NEVER TELL

It’s not that WE lie; it’s with the sole purpose of saying nothing

Like screwing your best friend’s girl and actually loving it

Delicious and at the same time Vicious

It’s with the sole purpose of saying NOTHING

Sometimes it’s with the deepest remembrance

Violated by the sincerity of treachery

Where year’s later pain seduces sanity

Even the utterance of truth fails to hold

Like saying something which means something

 But is understood as something else

Secret is the milestone for YOU and I

Reminiscent of butchness that desires the comfort of a woman

 Waking up next to masculinity more fragile than theirs

Flawed by words written before even equality meant EVEN

Like moans that emulate pleasure with the true meaning of deception

Like reassurance from adultery

Like cheating and not telling

Like a silent fart in the midst of company

Relieving and the same time Demeaning

Secret is the milestone for YOU and I

Like living your whole life with someone else, actually loving another

Like condoms that break new life

Like a rotten friend

LIKE........

It’s not that WE lie; it’s with the sole purpose of saying nothing

This Word

 This word sneaks up on you

The master of the concept of confusion

Where little girls feel like little boys

Where they constantly pray to an ideology that rejects them

Hoping to erase the truth of their births

The truth of circumstances that birth

This word!

Is the filth of societal dogma

It shapes and defines

It shape defines, it shapes definitions

It exists between YOUR truth and YOUR faith

Between your fate and your destiny

This word questions your pride

It takes refuge in closets, puppets itself on a stage of fear

Justified by shepherds who claim to walk with a rebel

That chilled with the dejected, That turned water into wine

Where those who feel normal

Where they constantly rape to refine

This word!

The Kamikaze of consciousness

It places you at the bottom of anything living

It refuses to pardon you more so if your race is the same as mine

This word means you love but are denied to love

It means you choose to love, you choose to be

This word!

You are this word

When you say you are and you are bombarded

By the curiosity of how you pleasure love

How you satisfy love, How you make love

It  has the holy ready to kill

For this word, Ready to destroy for this word

It somehow rests between hatred and sorrow

By those who are not this word, Actions

Justified by shepherds who claim to walk with a rebel

That chilled with the dejected, That turned water into wine

It is an everlasting battle that will last till this breath is not mine

Till it longer defines

This word is you and I